Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
