i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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