Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
