i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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