Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's never too late to be topless.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
