Moan for me like Helen Keller
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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