Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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