Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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