you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
