I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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