I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
