I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
