New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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