She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
