were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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