so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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