Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she peed on how many people?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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