That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
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She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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