She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
