Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My liver just had a heart attack.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
