You really coming over, don't trick.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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