We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize