I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
