If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
only you would photoshop your dick
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
