I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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