Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
