It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
