I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
