2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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