someone threw a dead crab at me
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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