So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
