Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
