You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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