She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
