I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Randomize
