My room smells like vodka and shame
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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