Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
