im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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