I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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