U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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