do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
