Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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