OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
