She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
