I need help removing her.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
