you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
