Define "chronic" masturbator.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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