after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
