He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
