I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
