My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
