im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
