Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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