what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
