I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
