Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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