Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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