the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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