Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
