What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
