my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize