If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Found your dick twin last night
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
