I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
