never play flip cup with pint glasses
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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